i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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