Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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