you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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