There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
