If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
