we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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