There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
