and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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