WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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