i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
