Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
