Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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