I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
