I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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