i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
