I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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