May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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