New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
