totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
