I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
