Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
