census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
