I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
