Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
