I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
