I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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