in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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