...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
