My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
