Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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