I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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