really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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