i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
