The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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