It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
