he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
