When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
