I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
