I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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