Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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