She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
