2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
