i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
