My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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