one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
