is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
