My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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