Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
