so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
