New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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