my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
