How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
