I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize