so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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