would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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