I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
