I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
