as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
