fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
