How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
