If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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