fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
