I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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