i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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