I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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