I showed him my bush... on skype.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
