P.S. I can't hear my feet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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