He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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