im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
