It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
