I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
