it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
where are you?
Hypothermia
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
