im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
