just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
