Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love you. Go after that dick
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
