he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
