i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pants are for mortals
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
