Sponge bath it is.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
